The person I was always meant to be?

So one of the main advantages of Parks Inner Child Therapy (PICT) is that it helps you to become the person you were always meant to be.

 

Before I trained as a PICT Practitioner, I remember hearing my therapist telling me this in our sessions.

 

It felt exciting.  It also felt too good to be true.

 

It felt like I was being given an opportunity to experience what life should have been like had I not had tough times in my childhood.

 

But what would that feel like?  And how on earth could this happen?

 

I knew I couldn’t rewind my life, start again, delete or scrap things that had happened.  I was also damn sure I didn’t want to.

 

At that point in my therapy, I was hell-bent on an “I must remember everything” path.  I certainly wasn’t up for leaving it all behind.  But on the other hand, I knew there would be things I didn’t want to remember….yes, confusing I know.

 

It was that push-pull of just wanting to feel better and the “if I don’t know everything then it hasn’t happened” and I have no justification for feeling this way.

 

However, the further I got through my PICT therapy I realised that the problems I was experiencing today, that I couldn’t resolve on my own through rationalising them or by finding out information about them, were due to the problems I experienced in childhood being unresolved.

 

By giving my “child part” the information, support and love I should have received growing up, I was feeling better….so much better….and my “tough times” were starting to lose their impact.

 

In turn, my determination to find out every tiny detail of my experiences, fell into the background.  I forgot I was supposed to be undertaking an Indiana Jones type quest to find them.  I accepted that the details don’t validate or justify my feelings.  They are what they are.

 

More importantly, those feelings went away.

 

I didn’t rely on a mask to hide how I was really feeling.  I could throw it away.  I didn’t have to keep up a pretence of coping, I was coping.

 

I guess what I have come to understand is that the person I was always meant to be, was actually me all along but a “me” living without the pain of my past.

 

In fact, just a “me” who was finally living.

 

 

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