I read a blog earlier today in which a 30 year old man was reflecting on life in his 20s. He had 11 pieces of advice he would like to give to his 20 year old self.
It was a lovely post about the freedom we have when we are younger and making the most of it. Valuing time, trusting people, experiencing life, learning to fail, to stop watching television & read more books etc.
It made me think...
What would I tell the younger me (or my inner child as we refer to it in Parks Inner Child Therapy).
What advice would I give her?
For a start, I realised that she probably wouldn't listen to advice about trusting people.
She would say, "no way you can't just go round trusting people, that's how you get hurt."
If I advised her to throw caution to the wind, she would reply "I can't do that!".
If I told her to learn how to fail because it makes you a better person, she would tell me that failure feels familiar anyway.
Then I thought, hold tight, I need to turn this on its head.
I actually need to ask her what she needs to know.
Reflecting back on my childhood, she would have liked to know that no matter what mistakes she makes she is loved & she is never a failure.
That it's ok if she doesn't trust that person as it's always a great idea to listen to our gut & I TRUST the feelings she has.
That people treated her badly because of their own personal problems & not because her.
And when she was treated badly that is not what she deserved.
She would need to know that responsibility ALWAYS belongs to the adults & never the child.
That she didn't make anything bad happen. She was a child, she couldn't do that.
And most importantly that she is special and important.
I agree - giving information & guidance to younger us would be great. In fact, I have through PICT and we have both achieved resolution.
To develop as children we need 3 things: information, love and support.
It's never too late to go back and tell her what she needs to know.